MOM * A cute, short, Mexican lady. My mommy. My best friend.

DAD * My aloof father. A fart smeller...I mean, a smart fella. Very generous.

RONNIE * The redneck surrogate father. AKA Ronnie or Buddha Belly.

KATIE * My anti-social sister. AKA Kate-Kate or The Bearded Lady. Soon to be married to Cpl. Ryan Pickrell.

JOHNATHAN * Whom I thought was the love of my life. My touchstone. AKA Johnny or Dees-Dees. Now a great friend.

RUBY * My real baby. My Phantom of the Opera kitty. The real queen of this household.

JOEY * The best damn doggie in the whole wide world. AKA Joe-Joe, Joseph, or Tito.

LANDLORD * AKA Annoying-Pain-In-The-Ass-Nosy-Cheap-Dumbass or The Stalker.

BAMBI * The best friend for life. My kindred spirit.

SCOTT * Best internet pal ever. We love talking about bodily functions, don't we Scott? AKA Green.

REECE * The new love. My sweet Cpl. John Charles Roller USMC. Currently in Iraq, but coming home in October 2004.

BEVERLY * A friend I met through Kate-Kate. A great partner in crime!

TOMMY * Former deputy sheriff. My dark, brooding friend. Chin up, Tommy.

BRIAN * Long time friend with "benefits." Just trying to make it out on his own.

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